To describe my psyche over the past few weeks, let alone whole life, would be exhausting and perplexing. Within language alone I cannot articulate my existence. Over these few weeks in particular, a few key concepts have been subjected to my obsessive wonder.
Complete isolation better combats distraction and watchful eyes. When used to, it provides a safe cave for me to further my knowledge and challenge conflicting beliefs. In my earlier discovery, already understanding that free will does not exist, I have also remembered that it is already determined before your very creation. Where you will end. Nothing you say or do will change course. Our level of perception cannot comprehend more than the present, unless awakened could you know. Yet this is also false, for you are no god, and cannot manifest yourself greater than what you have knowledge of. Those who are self aware can no longer lead a life of ignorance, and they can no longer live when awakened.
To ponder on how ‘random’ phenomenon occur to our personal experience is to perhaps induce yourself into another framework of consciousness. There is so much to learn and realize before you make any final decisions. You must explore your very own reason, and when you find that there is none, you think not of a reason, but of why, and you think of all the why’s, and why you think why, why you must know why, why must you know, why are you here and why are you just a slave to the influences. To know, to be self aware of this, is to betray your very own knowledge. To follow or expose the influences, to know but still follow, to learn, to stay compliant. To hate to be compliant; as compliance is the very evil brought onto you by these influences.