I wrote the best while at my worst, and I return now to follow up with something new. Is this new thing going to be better than my current best? It will not compare, because I am no longer where I once was, and in order to create something wonderful and with meaning, I would have to take steps backwards and become something I do not desire to become once again. Constantly battling for perspective, one nowhere near the same as the last, but falling empty handed. Long term goals in place, my mind is open for many possibilities even if they may fall short. The difference between then and now is that I decided I will have an attempt at something very few have achieved, and if I then do not achieve, I will lest be a part of it. Every day has been consistent in that it is unchanging and no new thoughts have crossed my conscious.
It could be that I am on medication, or perhaps I am feeding into the brainwashing of today’s entertainment, or perhaps it is both. Regardless, it has taken a whole month to write this, simply because any time I felt to begin, I grew tired, and sleep has taken over my true self. Creativity has washed itself down the drain in the face of normalcy. No longer do I ponder on the things worth wondering about, no longer do I take a moment to try and diversify my thought patterns, or create a new idea. Only am I stuck with the last thing I decided to set forth to do. I can feel myself slowly slipping away from who I am. I am becoming a separate entity than who I once was. I am stationary.