Over the last few months I had thought it in my best interest to attempt to assimilate myself into what is current. I have barely scratched the surface learning about others and their truths, and as I learn more, I find merit within these seemingly toxic ideologies that are against what is known as the standard modernity. I have moments where I believe there is no point in choosing or moments where I wish to simply stop experimenting breaking my limits, but my goal in doing so is so that I can strengthen my beliefs and challenge the truths I have already acquired. Indulging in this kind of thing can be intoxicating, but more so, mind numbing. I have been becoming so consumed within this new way of living that I have been losing insight as well as what I once stood by and believed.
I know what I have to do and who I am, yet I still feel as though I have to behave outside of this in order to comprehend who is around me and experience simple enjoyment. I have been embracing a masquerade that consumes my every passing thought. I can experiment with these connections, but they will never be real, and this is something I must accept.